I love coming to you each week with practical, effective strategies to help you build skills and confidence. And I'm sure you've noticed that I focus on understanding your child, their brain, their behavior and what it’s telling you as the basis for the strategies I share with you.
Even with that, it can be hard to go from “I understand” to “but what do I do??!”
Here's the thing. There’s no shortcut for knowing what to do that doesn't include PRACTICE!
That’s why, instead of a Quick Tip this week, I’m inviting you to practice the #1 essential parenting skill of self-regulation. I'll be practicing with you!
Here’s the good news. Understanding + PRACTICE will lead you to the loving connection and peace at home you most long for. I’ve seen it again and again over the past 15 years with clients and and experienced it for even longer in my own family.
What I teach is about growth, not about a quick fix band aid.
Growth in compassion - for yourself and your child
Growth in understanding - yourself and your child
Growth in loving connection - with yourself and your child
Growth in thriving as a family
Growth in emotional intelligence
Growth in resilience
Growth in executive function skills
Growth in good parenting skills
Growth in joy
Parenting is more like a dance than a race. Yes, there need to be goals and intentions to make things better at home, but there’s no destination. There’s no medal you’re striving for. What there is is an ever improving ability to dance together with ease, love and joy.
Self-regulation is an essential parenting skill that helps you dance better. We humans will keep getting triggered by things. Our brains will keep doing what they learned to do to keep us safe at a time in our lives when we may not have been safe emotionally or even physically. We need to teach our brains new ways to respond. It takes practice!
Here are some things I've noticed in my own practice of self-regulation. When I get triggered by a partner, a grandchild or by my own behavior, and start to spiral downwards, I recognize it more quickly. I’m able to use my skills sooner and more effectively to come back to my connected self. And I end up with more compassion for, and consistent connection with myself and those I care about.
Next time your kid starts having a meltdown, practice this self-regulation strategy. It's called Stop, Drop & Breathe.
Just like Stop, Drop and Roll puts out an actual fire, Stop, Drop & Breathe cools the fire of a meltdown!
It goes like this…
STOP talking, reasoning, arguing, bribing, consequencing...
DROP down to your child's level (or step back, if older.)
BREEEATHE OUT! Then take 3 deep breaths, like inflating a balloon in your belly and blowing all the air out each time.
Notice what happens next and please let me know.
Calming yourself is the best way to calm your child because YOU are your best parenting tool!
*****
Print out the handout below and stick it on your fridge as a reminder :)
PS: For my video demonstration of balloon belly breathing click here:
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