Why You Can't Reason With a Child Meltdown-and the parenting skill that helps!

Do you find yourself resorting to reasoning, bribing or consequencing your child when they’re melting down because you don’t know what else to do?  

You’re not alone. It’s so frustrating! Traditional advice says consequences change your child’s behavior. Sometimes they work with some kids. But, maybe you've noticed that for stress-sensitive kids, not only do consequences not work, they often make things worse! 

As a result, you may have tried reasoning and consequences only to end up in vicious cycles - feeling like you’re not doing it right or like there’s something wrong with you or your child. Ugh!

Here’s the thing. When your kid is acting out, they’re in a state of dys-regulation. Their left brain - in charge of logic, language and words - is OFF LINE! They can’t access their executive function to be reasonable. It’s like broadcasting on one channel when your child is tuned to a different one. No matter how loud you broadcast, you won’t get through! Their emotional brain is running the show! 

Instead of trying to reason with a meltdown, you need to become available to connect with your child’s emotional brain. This tip tells you how to do that.

Today’s QUICK TIP - Change The Channel in Your Brain

Faced with a meltdown, your first job is to focus on YOU FIRST. In the moment, this can go against every fiber of your being! However, to handle a meltdown, change the channel in your own brain to the one that’s calmer and more regulated by practicing the essential parenting skill of self-regulation.

Try this simple yet powerful self-regulation practice to help you handle the next meltdown. (It’s simple, but not easy when the s***t’s hitting the fan!) 

1. STOP TALKING, reasoning, bargaining, pleading... 

2. TAKE 3, SLOW BREATHS in and all the way out. 

3. FEEL YOUR FEET on the ground.

 What this practice does is start to calm your nervous system - literally. This makes you more available for the emotional connection your child needs to change their brain channel too and become calmer and more regulated like you. That’s co-regulation.

You’ll find yourself more able to respond with confidence and think clearly about what to do next.

 (To learn more about how to break the cycle of meltdowns, click the image below.)