Confessions of a fellow traveler practicing resilience and self-compassion.
It’s so damn hard to pause and breathe aka Stop (talking), Drop, & Breathe, when I get triggered and anxiety takes over my brain.
I saw it so clearly when I looked back at an incident I'd had with my contractor an hour earlier. I saw how the whole thing could’ve been diffused if I had just stopped talking, paused and breathed. It would have slowed everything down and made space for better communication rather than reactivity (on both parts.)
But the moment the incident started, I instantly succumbed to frustration, anxiety and worry, and also some kind of urgency that I believe filters through from the young one within me who was just trying to manage.
Then the shame and the guilt hit, because I know what to do, I teach parents what to do, and I should know better…
Next I felt the urge to apologize, prove that I’m acceptable, that I didn’t mean to be “that” person and if only you could understand why I acted like that, everything would be ok (i.e. my little one would be ok and the past could change…) all the unconscious stories I carry that get activated when I am “triggered”.
And then I remembered you, yes you, the one reading this. And I remembered that I am human, as are you. I know, without a doubt, that I have compassion for your humanity. So then self-compassion started to come in.
And I remembered what I teach you - that even seeing your reaction afterwards (an hour, a day, a month) lets you take a step toward building the skills you need to respond even sooner - and even in the moment.
And I realized there’s another chance and another choice next time and the time after that as we keep practicing together.
***
(Click the image below to learn the essential parenting skill of self-regulation using Stop, Drop & Breathe.)
Comments