Recently I’m noticing where competence lives in my body. It’s a warm feeling that radiates from my chest when I feel good about doing something well. It can literally be as small as having timed my oatmeal so it didn’t burn. (True story) Recently it was being able to pause and talk myself down from being triggered by my partner, allowing myself to sleep on “it” and waking up with calm, clarity and a grounded sense of myself - not something my anxiety would have allowed me to do even a year ago (maybe less ;)
We long to feel competent as parents, right? When you feel you’ve done something well with your child, it feels soooo good. Like when Vivian came to realize that her son was getting overwhelmed at a birthday party, and was able for the first time to interrupt his usual meltdown by gracefully exiting. Thus she saved herself and her son from the embarrassment and shame of a scene. When they got to the car, he immediately fell asleep! She told me, it made me feel soooo good to know I handled it well! She felt competent!
But feeling competent can be a challenge! Not only was our parenting manual installed by our own, likely, unskilled parents, but being so hard on ourselves seems to come with the territory.
Understanding what’s happening with your child when they’re acting out makes all the difference in responding competently to help them. It may be very different for you to look at your child’s behavior through the lens of physiology, but once you begin to explore that, their behavior begins to make sense. This changes how you respond and makes it possible to take effective action, just like for Vivian.
Where does competence live in your body? Let me know :)
PS: I’ll be back with you after Thanksgiving.
Click the image below to feel more competent and empowered to help your child behave this Thanksgiving)
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