The Holiday ride is in full gear…
We all have parts that long for an ideal family holiday - the way we think it should be or the one we wished we'd had when we were young. This ideal is often in heart-breaking contrast to the reality of our experience. I asked one of my mom’s recently, “What are you most looking forward to about Thanksgiving?” Her answer was, “Surviving it.” Can you relate?
First, I want to talk about fortitude. Because you are gutsy! You have fortitude: “mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty… courageously.”
It takes fortitude to hang in there day after day, the way you do! It also takes fortitude to do the following:
go against the grain and do what you know your child needs.
to trust your inner parenting voice.
to be their ally.
to get beyond survival and take a baby step to increase your capacity to enjoy the holidays by practicing even 1 of the following strategies.
For stress-sensitive kids, the holidays are full of stress!
unpredictable schedules
loss of routine
stressed out parents
unrealistic expectations
big feelings like overexcitement & disappointment
weird foods
When you look at behavior as communication (of feelings, stress, anxiety,) it’s no wonder your kid may be prone to
acting out,
melting down,
bouncing off the walls,
talking back
Here's your Gutsy Holiday Quick Tip for a Quick Win
>>Be your child’s ally!
Being your child’s ally means pro-actively taking charge of their environment to mitigate stress and overwhelm.
Keep in mind, your child has very little control over what happens to them. Your goal is to keep the stress in the environment as low as possible in order to make it easier for them to behave and for you to stay calm.
Try these 3 courageous parenting strategies to minimize their stress (and yours) and bring more peace to the holidays.
1. SET REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
This will also help you stay calmer! Holiday dinner is not the time to teach your child a life lesson by making them stay at the table while everyone talks and eats for a LOOONG time.
Figure out how long you you think your child could realistically stay at the table without becoming disruptive. Then set a timer for ½ that time and let them know that’s how long they need to sit at the table.
Don’t expect your child to try new foods at Thanksgiving dinner. As a matter of fact, don’t even suggest they try any of the foods. Let them pick what goes on their plate or doesn’t. Be their ally.
Make sure you feed them a good breakfast in the morning before you leave (or your guests arrive) and pack healthy, calorie rich snacks and a favorite, approved video of their choice. Be their ally.
2. KEEP TO THEIR ROUTINE (As best you can)
I know it sucks when you want to keep adulting with family and friends. However, your child probably can’t handle staying up late without a meltdown or major power struggle. (“change in routine” + overtired > dysregulation)
Set alarms for their normal eating and bedtimes so you can keep track and also relax.
Be their ally and be prepared to leave the party early. It will make for a much more pleasant ending to your holiday gathering.
3. SUPPORT THEIR CHOICE WHEN IT COMES TO PHYSICAL TOUCH.
The whole holiday situation is already overwhelming. Unwanted touch, like hugging Grama or kissing uncle John when your child doesn’t want to, can overpower their nervous system, deny them agency and trigger their stress response. Unwanted behavior can result as a way to communicate their discomfort. I believe teaching consent cannot start too young!
Always approach them with a choice about being touched.
Actively intervene when they don’t want to be touched or appear uncomfortable or distressed with touch. Be their ally.
When you follow these tips, it helps your child’s developing nervous system feel safe and teaches your child the following regulation skills:
They can count on you to be there for them in stressful situations
They are not on their own when they feel overwhelmed
Thank you for being part of my life this year.
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